Video 17 Apr 14 notes

Hard times cafe

Text 17 Apr 4 notes that’s it for tonight

these are the 5 pieces i’ve been working on for the last 2 days. i feel empty. apologies for the one note-ness of it all, but it’s where i’m at, so it’s all that i can think / write about. i’m going through a lot (the recent break up of a 6yr relationship, health issues, financial struggles, job hunting, depression, and now much needed therapy). i’m learning a lot and change has begun, and more is coming. i’m not content to sit in my own filth and commiserate with the devil for the rest of my life. thanks for the messages, kind words, prayers, thoughts, etc… write if you want. i’m always here. for the record, i’m not suicidal or homocidal, despite what my words might reflect at times. these are just struggles in my head that i put to paper. a blend of reality and fantasy, truth vs. thought-life. now that i’ve officially closed down the only 6am-4am coffee shop in Minneapolis, I’m gone baby…solid gone. ~Craig

Text 17 Apr 13 notes so this is goodbye

a gentle breeze
brushes my skin
turns me around
rushes into my soul
it fills me with dreams
life hope and color
it promises nothing
yet i believe for everything
it grows inside me and makes a home
it takes a part of me
and wildly scatters the pieces in every direction
the wind takes me apart
and now, i’m supposed pretend
that none of it never existed
if i live alone,
if i die alone
will pain be satisfied
if i grieve myself into the grave
will death soothe my rolling soul
or mock my flesh into decay

Text 17 Apr 17 notes cut the ripcord

if you keep it
it eats you
if you feed it
it outgrows you
if you love it
it hates you
if you hate it
it embraces you
if you let it live
it kills you
but if you die
it dies with you
and you’re reborn
without it

Text 17 Apr 8 notes i’m so sorry

oh beautiful flower
i stepped on you
and broke your stem
i plucked your lovely petals
and ate them in front of you
smiling as i wiped my lips
and crudely picked my teeth
oh beautiful flower
look at you now
you’re nothing but a broken old stem
raped of beauty
bereft of worth
an ugly stick lost in a bouquet
plucked and burned
on judgment day

Text 17 Apr 5 notes none left standing

i pace
i walk back and forth
an animal, yes
but caged, no…
i’m a free range carnivore
i’m all predator
i’m all man
i’m all instinct
kindness drains from my fingertips
empathy disappears into her eyes
our minds collide
two tanks on a battlefield
balls to the wall
because we know it’s over
rain blood guts and mud
teeth bone skulls and skin
minds mouths words and wills
everything is destroyed
nothing is salvageable
it’s over
it’s all fucking over now

Text 17 Apr 6 notes a pair of dimes

i see no problem
with breaking shit
busting windows
and smearing my miserable mouth
on your depressing lips
i see nothing wrong
with fucking you up
torturing myself
and obliterating us
at the very root of who we are
but then again,
i do
so what now?

Quote 16 Apr 13 notes
My ambition is ruined by fear of failure, but my desires are intact so there is a disconnect between what I want & my desire to go get it.
— The Darkhorse Poet
Text 15 Apr 35 notes this autopsy is just a routine check-up

elusive lucidity
the familiarity of failure
abusive cruelty
the intensity of insanity

with something as simple
as one step back
i see things in design
i wish i never had
a simple step back
and i see just how fragile i am
how susceptible we all are
how vulnerable she is

with a simple step back
i see her mind on my table
i see weaknesses hurts abuses
i see bandaids scars and open wounds
oh, fuck….scary…
i see… i see…
i see opportunity
if i tell her these things
do this, do that
and act a certain way
she’ll trust me
fall in love
and comfortably turn her back towards me
a psychotic’s feast
a deviant’s du jour
a sadist’s wet dream
a glutton’s all you can eat buffet
so, i take a step back and say
you look delicious my love,
shall i begin?

Text 11 Apr 9 notes

the shaving

—microwaving ice cream for breakfast?
—it’s 545….pm
-I know
—I see you’re still in your comfy black pajama pants
-as are you
—yes, but I just got here
—is that Mazzy Star?
-uh huh. Hope Sandoval’s voice cheers me up
—(scoff) speaking of that, did you take your meds today?
-not yet
—you’re gonna forget again. You know that, right
- …….

Out of pure curiosity I poke my head through the bathroom door and look in the mirror.

—do you always talk to yourself when you’re alone?
-nope. Just when you come by

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